Wednesday, December 17, 2014

my rock

What a rock I had! It was absolutely gorgeous, shiny, brilliantly bright and larger than life! I was constantly complimented on it and I could tell some people even envied what I had. My rock made me feel good. All I had to do was glance at it and I knew just how much I was loved. Lest anyone think I’m referring to the dazzling sparkler that once adorned my ring finger, I’m not! My rock was my mother.

Every girl (and probably every guy) needs a rock, regardless of how tough you think you are, or how amicable and smooth you think the divorce process will be. Whether it’s a mother, aunt, sister, or friend, find someone to hold you up when you’re about to plummet... and someone who’ll pick you up when you do.

Here’s what a rock does:

  • She makes you meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and peas and delivers them to your house in time for dinner so you don’t have to lift a finger.
  • She takes your kids for an afternoon or a sleepover so you can have a little break.
  • She goes with you to interview attorneys.
  • She calms your raw nerves while sitting shotgun as you drive to the courthouse.
  • She tells you to meet her at her nail shop and surprises you with a spa pedicure.
  • She bellies up to the bar with you to toast your triumphs or drown your sorrows.

My rock did that and so much more. My victories were hers. My defeats cut her to the core. Divorce hurts, but your rock helps you heal. Mine certainly did.

Today is my mother’s birthday. Under normal circumstances, we’d be eating popovers with strawberry butter, and drinking Champagne at our favorite department store cafe. But things aren’t normal anymore because she’s not here. My mother passed away in July of 2012, one month after my divorce was finally final. She was strong for me and taught me how to be a fighter. Even though she could be as tough as nails, she was no match for breast cancer. I wouldn’t say it got the best of her, because I got the best of her. I got her time. I got her devotion. I got her strength and I got her love, and not even the cancer could take that away.

My best advice is to find a rock! Take it from someone who doesn’t accept help comfortably, you don’t want to go at this alone! Let someone in. Let someone love you, take care of you, feed you, comfort you, hold you, laugh with you, drink with you, and cry with you. If no one’s knocking on your door, go out and knock on theirs! Find your diamond when times are rough, and when you do you will have the most precious gem of all... just like I did! 

Happy Birthday, Mom! I love you more!

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